Under a depression  ,
 far away from happiness ,
but near at the end of hell ,
 I saw a ray light ,
shinning above in the sky ,
so generously , yet so painfully ,
 so cheerfully , but too desperately .

Under a lonely shadow ,
I cast a spell to myself ,
 telling that I had enough ,
and hope no more would come ,
I was told to be truth ,
told to be real ,
but never told to be urself , ur despicable self...
In my heart ,
i found a riddle ,
a quite fasinating riddle ,
but also mysterious ,
I ask myself , why.. why ..
and a lot more why...
why what? Why?
I dunno why...even if u asked me ..a thousand times and in a thousand ways...

Then , finally ... I got an answer , a rather dislikable answer , an answer that I would not admit...

"it was me who doesn't want to quit , quit being my despicable self ..."  ...

My life is a complete failure

Today , as expected , trial exams , how horrible!! Students , well , obey of course, without any further more doubts , we are preparing for last day of war for tomorrow . This is bulan puasa where we get to leave school earlier than we use to . And it is a great pleasure of joy to all of us , STUDENTS , again. Teachers won't really care whats happenning anyway but well...Usually , they just ...teach , teach and more teaching since generally their name is TEACHER .I am really depressed cause my maths exam is a total disaster . I have shoot alot of depend-on-luck answers which I maybe right and I maybe wrong . So thats all up to GOD . The high and mighty Him/Her will please help me to pass my exam with atleast a grade B. If thats happenning , well, well, well, I am gonna die in my own happiness. Surely , I will jump in joy and kiss GOD's legs . But , I think that problem will have only a low percentage of success. I wonder why do I study anyway? since it so hard and I lost all my confidence in this year , how I gonna pass anyway ? Plus!! There is another trial exam which add up 1 + 1 = 2 !! 2 trial exams!! Screw that!!    o( >...<)")o  Curse u teacherssss !!! ( for fun XDD)

whats my plan?^^?

And so..I decided. decided early enough to regret..! I think ..my hesitation shall make me lose my chance or something important to me. But yet sometimes bad things turns out to be good n good turns out to be bad. So, I am not sure how I say this but still..I regret. ON last Friday, I pass up a certain something. A certain something that shall change everything. Some change from benefits to loss and from loss to gain..I wonder if i had made a right choice.?I dunno. Maybe? Because i always wanted to be a certain someone .someone who is different .Something i am Different that when I stand out among crowd then somebody will say:" ah! She is different! She is it! She is something else!' BUt what is the different ? I want to be special. To make ppl realize I can CHANGE! I can do my best for something i deserve! YEt, I felt regret. why? cause my plan will be ruined! Why? because when I desire something or determined to do something, i will never find any excuse including something personal! Even its something important, i also want to continue to do what i had decide. I concentrated on that certain something that i lose direction to those things that are pretty near to me .pretty important. but never mind. since i am like this, i am this..maybe I should quit whinning about it! but u know me right? bossy n really annoying . I wonder this is right or wrong? maybe right but something feels wrong.. i am finding it! the wrong way. I shall discover it n make a proper explanation to myself. Not anyone else but me. I shall trust only me. noone can be trusted but me. why? easy.>>>



THIS IS WHAT A HUMAN'S PERSONALITY IS ...>...<

~* A Little salt Makes The souP DiFfeRenT ?==*~

A little salt make the soup taste different is same as the meaning of a little effort makes ur next step more easier or better, and ur life can be much more greater,why? Ask me. I know. I am young. But I can tell stories. A experiance for a newbie like me. Is lame n uninterested. because u too hav one. But u lazy to share. U too hav ur life but u never care. This is how it goes. Throughout my day. That is.... Today. March 12 , a nice day. a great morning , a cool breeze of wind accidentally touched my cheeks.Like a morning kiss. welcome me to their world. In this great morning, Very cold. somehow felt like yesterday but it wasn't that simple. BEcause the difference is today means present tense whereas yesterday is pass tense.present tense, do sumthin I dont regret. Do sumthin through my heart contents. Thats what a today means. and how it means, its special. How special? I dunno, maybe sumthin different will happen. sumthin happy , sad, angry, emotional...I spent my day today in my school. Teenagers.,school school school. Second home. Cant deny it. Cause its true. The most place u visit accept home. is School. Our hideout =.= shhhh!!!...I had a training. I am tired. But happy. I learnt new things. but not enough. I wanted more. But tired. Can't continue. Maybe I should practice. Practice harder. Practice makes prefect. A guy, my first love. maybe it can't be called " first Love" cause I am not sure. why? My heart pumps lesser n lesser for him. but it also comes in a speed of light, pumps so fast that i cant hardly breath. a second, my heart just stops. when i saw him, my blood stop flowing. my body becomes cold.but yet warm. a little heat inside of me still havent flows out.I am scared. not him. but myself.doing sumthin wrong is a mistake for me in front of a person I like. "like" is it different from "love"? why? and how? maybe my heart will stay with him until a period of time had passed? that time is that what u call love? he's talented in every way. I saw that. but dunno how. maybe i admire his talent. Maybe i respect him for who he is..Should i confirm? or not? maybe...no? for a lady is too absurb? >....< why?

I have so many why. but why cant i get an perfect answer>...<?

Ahahaha~~~Life is quite Hard.

Life is quite hard when u think about it. Yet, it is also an easy task. The most simple task may be the Most difficult n complicated task. When u get to know it well, u will know that Actually life isn't really that bad. Its quite relxin n fun n naturally happy~ This feelin is different from what u usually feel. But, u need to understand that When u think it is hard, is hard, when u think is not, then its not. Dont make way too complicated. Just act natural, naturally u will get what u wan, naturally, u will get what u will. Just an advice to all. Dun try too hard on sumthin, sometimes, let go will be the better choice. Let go, unexpected, u will get what u deserved. Wished something, to humans, to creatures...n make this world filled with happiness...~~^^

~* Today! Picnic! *~ WOOHOO

Today was a wonderful day to go for outdoors! Its like quite comfortable because of the weather! The sun shines brightly n beautifully but yet the weather is neither hot or cold. its warm with a bit of sunlight spreading over the Earth n cold like ice-land harmonize with the warmth of the sunlight. Its a miracle for the sun to be coming out today because its been rainning heavily ever since the school holidays started.We Went to fetch our friends at around 3p.m. We chat n eat those food that my Aunt kindly home-made herself. Its more delicious than the restaurants outside ! So good that I almost finish all of it.But, cannot lah! Need to left some for them to enjoy too! Sharing is important! I hope they r happy while eating it. I also wish that they love it too. After finish eating, we chat for more than 2 hours. All about our life n some more privacy stuff. Not really private just like daily stuff. Examples like, Studies, Relationship, Life, Works, Chit-chating n etc... I think they r also happy? Because its been long since we can sit down like this n enjoy our times together. WITH NO INTERUPTIONS. that Is the most important part. everytime i talk to someone else. my friends will definately chopped in n say other topics. But they r hilarious n cheerful. I kinda love it. but still..., No interuptions plsss! I really like to see harry potter recently. its nice n i began to want to see it more n more, repeat n repeat the same movies. I just love those advantures n magics! One of my friend recommend me to read the books of harry potter, narnia n Lord of the rings. She said u can improved ur languages powerfully n accurately. Just By reading it!. I wan to borrow after i hear her advise.

I wonder Buy? or borrow? the books? It must be expensive!

~8 HAppy? Or sad? MY bRo? GONE ....*~

When my bro will dissapeared. I wonder that will I be sad or happy? or maybe I felt nothing? empty? My bro. who grows up with me for such many years,gone. I think i dunno how to react. HE smiles like a prince. FAithful as a friend. Loyal to teachers. kind to parents but yet selfish. LOves towards me, his sister. maybe I will doubt that! I will doubt that he's the same as usual. I think he changed. to different person. on the different world with me. on the different conversation. n different communication. I think I will be happy n relax. if he were to go bac. I think I will be feeling good. that he will go bac forever.Here, is not the place for him. no for him. not for his additude. I dun like him. when he comes bac n lazy around. I dun like him. When he comes bac n giv me lectures. HE doesnt have the right to say me. I am who I am. that can't ever changed. IF I changed. that won't be me anymore. there won't be GEselle. There won't be happiness n laughters. Why don't u know that? why u so care- Less? Y u try to tell me what I thinks n what I know? My thoughts is sumthin u cant tell. I will changed. Cause I am a HUMAN . Humans is complicated. U dun know. U will never know. U will never guess right. I wont tell u . How I feel. Cause I wont. U had no rights to know. BEcause u dun know me. U never will. U dun know even the slightest part of me. ME, who is suffering in the darkness. When I need u, u play with my seriousness. When I need u, U can do nothing. Nothing . not help. not encouragement. But I forgiv. cause u r my bro. u r the part of my life. U had a deep close brother-sister relationship with me. I dun wan to lose that. The string thats been helping us to be together. But u cut it. Cut it mercilessly. Cut it without  second thought. I can accept that. That u, my brother made me, the sister cried so much , so hurt , so pain! MY eyes swallowed. My eyes blank! because of u. who cut our special string. U care nothing. Not even me. the sister. I am hurt. just as u say. I dunno when. My scar will heal or cure. I dunno when I have the courage to face u again. Even u can't faced me. Like u always do. Even u can never think of how others feel. So desperately. I am so desperately. wan to get away from. YOU, MY brother... +((


FOREVER....away....