Once I started this.I had made a decision that I had to post something. Its a memory of mine in the past October 2010. It was a horrible memory of mine.I bet i can't forget my fear from that memory where I started to hate myself. I had friends. They r normal and unresistable accompanies.They r funny n caring. I started to became their friends unrealizingly for one year. I fear but at the same time I loved them. What I fear is somethin they won't tell but tells at ur back. I feared U be gone by the time I realized how good u r. I feared that u actually being nice just for urself. In this decades, pouring water on a friend when their birthday comes can be called a normal thing for our teenagers. Because of that, I tried once n I lost my dignity. I wanted to do that ages ago.Because it looked fun. I wanted to see them laugh. but instead they were shocked n dissapointed. I wonder why. I wonder if I'm not the person who can do it? or can't I do it? Is it wrong to have an experiance in everythin? even....it is a child's play? I'm not mad but ...ashamed. Ashamed of what I had done. Ashame of copying some ridiculous action. Ashamed of havin caring friends. I done it anyway. So regret means nothing . I know how they feel. I do. yet, I 'm helpless. Even I knew. They won't tell me directly. Scared me getting hurt? scared that I'm mad? No. I'm scared that u won't tell. Scared that u don't get angry. Thats what I'm afraid. .
Not tellin the truth doesn't make me happy.
Not tellin the truth doesn't make u satisifed.
Not tellin the truth doesn't make u caring or kind.
Not tellin the truth just because u can't? or just ScAreD? =((
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