~* Today! Picnic! *~ WOOHOO

Today was a wonderful day to go for outdoors! Its like quite comfortable because of the weather! The sun shines brightly n beautifully but yet the weather is neither hot or cold. its warm with a bit of sunlight spreading over the Earth n cold like ice-land harmonize with the warmth of the sunlight. Its a miracle for the sun to be coming out today because its been rainning heavily ever since the school holidays started.We Went to fetch our friends at around 3p.m. We chat n eat those food that my Aunt kindly home-made herself. Its more delicious than the restaurants outside ! So good that I almost finish all of it.But, cannot lah! Need to left some for them to enjoy too! Sharing is important! I hope they r happy while eating it. I also wish that they love it too. After finish eating, we chat for more than 2 hours. All about our life n some more privacy stuff. Not really private just like daily stuff. Examples like, Studies, Relationship, Life, Works, Chit-chating n etc... I think they r also happy? Because its been long since we can sit down like this n enjoy our times together. WITH NO INTERUPTIONS. that Is the most important part. everytime i talk to someone else. my friends will definately chopped in n say other topics. But they r hilarious n cheerful. I kinda love it. but still..., No interuptions plsss! I really like to see harry potter recently. its nice n i began to want to see it more n more, repeat n repeat the same movies. I just love those advantures n magics! One of my friend recommend me to read the books of harry potter, narnia n Lord of the rings. She said u can improved ur languages powerfully n accurately. Just By reading it!. I wan to borrow after i hear her advise.

I wonder Buy? or borrow? the books? It must be expensive!

~8 HAppy? Or sad? MY bRo? GONE ....*~

When my bro will dissapeared. I wonder that will I be sad or happy? or maybe I felt nothing? empty? My bro. who grows up with me for such many years,gone. I think i dunno how to react. HE smiles like a prince. FAithful as a friend. Loyal to teachers. kind to parents but yet selfish. LOves towards me, his sister. maybe I will doubt that! I will doubt that he's the same as usual. I think he changed. to different person. on the different world with me. on the different conversation. n different communication. I think I will be happy n relax. if he were to go bac. I think I will be feeling good. that he will go bac forever.Here, is not the place for him. no for him. not for his additude. I dun like him. when he comes bac n lazy around. I dun like him. When he comes bac n giv me lectures. HE doesnt have the right to say me. I am who I am. that can't ever changed. IF I changed. that won't be me anymore. there won't be GEselle. There won't be happiness n laughters. Why don't u know that? why u so care- Less? Y u try to tell me what I thinks n what I know? My thoughts is sumthin u cant tell. I will changed. Cause I am a HUMAN . Humans is complicated. U dun know. U will never know. U will never guess right. I wont tell u . How I feel. Cause I wont. U had no rights to know. BEcause u dun know me. U never will. U dun know even the slightest part of me. ME, who is suffering in the darkness. When I need u, u play with my seriousness. When I need u, U can do nothing. Nothing . not help. not encouragement. But I forgiv. cause u r my bro. u r the part of my life. U had a deep close brother-sister relationship with me. I dun wan to lose that. The string thats been helping us to be together. But u cut it. Cut it mercilessly. Cut it without  second thought. I can accept that. That u, my brother made me, the sister cried so much , so hurt , so pain! MY eyes swallowed. My eyes blank! because of u. who cut our special string. U care nothing. Not even me. the sister. I am hurt. just as u say. I dunno when. My scar will heal or cure. I dunno when I have the courage to face u again. Even u can't faced me. Like u always do. Even u can never think of how others feel. So desperately. I am so desperately. wan to get away from. YOU, MY brother... +((


FOREVER....away....

~* SChool? * What EvEr =P ~

Two weeks till the school holidays over n start a new life, meet new friends n do new homeworks. What I'm worry is port folio n those irritating projects! Its like hell to finish them nicely n get great marks. Although i know its good to train ur knowledge once in a while but still government should really cancel those folios.I can't do it good nor i can take my time relaxing. Its the pressure thats been bothering me. What pressure? u wan to know? I'll tell u. head pressure, stress= pressure, body pressure, brain pressure, thoughts pressure, high blood pressure ( the logical one ) n more pressure that u can't even imagine it. I wonder when will I graduate? Can i graduate proudly n happily? well..that will be unpredictable. I'll live my life to the fullest while I'm alive. Ohya. Speaking of which. My bro also goin bac to his quaters n prepared for the next terms. but not this week. Maybe January? He can't be much help either in the house, better he goes bac anyway. Today, my mom said " talk bac to ur bro, he's lonely n two more weeks , he's goin bac anyway." I was like " HUH??! Lonely? U sure? even the world dun talk to him, he'll never be lonely." I do not hate him, my brother. In fact, I love him. But when he "share" sumthin at tht time. I had to say that my thinking of him ia totally wrong! I won't talk with him for a while from now on. I think its already been weeks. I dun wanna talk to him. I scared. Scared that he will do sumthin hurtful again. Sumthin that hurts my feeling toward my lovely brother again. So, i choose to not talk. Its better this way. I dun wanna hate him. I do not wan to made myself hate him. had revengeful thoughts over him. So , I pretend i do not care. Even if he hates me. I still dun wan to talk to made myself not to hate him. because i know. I know one day, he will "share" again. Scold me again. Since he doesnt mind even i Doesnt talk to him. then, I think its not necessary to go along with him again. One day goes n another day passed. Maybe our relationship will be different. Different not in goin deep but being more shallow n finally we became strangers that being polite. That we will be not that close to each other anymore. N he will changed. I will changed. One day when we talk bac again. It will be strange. BEcause its same as my father. same as my dad. who doesnt talk to him for like passed few years. Such idiotic n selfish brother. Such disappointment. I dun want to know. =((

~* MY DreaM =)) 8~

Everyone has their own dream..so I must also have one! My dream.nothing special.Dream, to me, is just a mere word exists in a dictionary. Dream, to me, maybe it sounds useless. I haven't found out my dream yet although now i am quite " old ". I take " dream" as a plan for the next day, next month or even next year. Like a specific target that I will be achieving..Like a suitable plan I should do it in order to make my life more meaningful. Since I'm not that smart, not much of a person who do sports like anyone else will. Not much of a person who is brave enough or courageble. But, I can try to be one normal n polite person. Thats the rules of the future relationship in the country or maybe so called " Earth" . I loved Science. Exspecially, Stars n planets. I want to know more. About sun. y does it called sun? Not sumthin else? y is it the only one who can have the uncredible heat flowing out ? Why do Earth is so lucky to have the exact distance from the sun to keep us, living things alive? Do u think is a concidence? nope. I think not. I think it is much more than that. Because it is unpredictable. It is necessary. I loved to know abt plants n other organisms too. I want to know that how they grow such way? n why did they only need sunlight, water n carbon dioxide to survive? why they gave out carbon dioxide at night n morning oxygen gas. I want to know all abt it. I want to know our body cells, tissues, organs n more more more. I think we r the mysterious creatures that can survive in this planet called " Earth ". I think our systems in our body is so efision that I can't belive it would be. I wonder y we can improved things by using brain. I also loved Sejarah. Everyone saw this " sejarah" word will be like. What the hell??! What is sejarah so good abt it??! n more questions will be asked. But I think that Sejarah teaches us abt "gratitude" , abt  sumthin like don't be the same failure as they r again. N learned ur lessons n much more like the caves in Perak, Kelantan, Sarawak n Sabah n more. And abt the besi thingy. the time n the things they used to survive. I think the human from the past time in sejarah r more pure n kind-hearted as we r now. We have sumthin they doesnt had so they will appreciate what they had. We doesn't felt enough because there r more n more things that r so scientific. So, abt my dream next year, I will become a Librarian. I want to experiance it. I want to try to be a different person as I am now. I wanted to improved myself n my knowledge. Knowing many diffrent kinds of things can helped that. I belive. =))

Hope ...that my Dream shall came true next new year! 20!!  here I come!!

~* MY LIfE SUcCkKS 8~~!!

Everyone has a better life than I am. I bet !! Since i'm the one who has a family that is not understanding. My family stayed by my side ever since I was born. They love me, care for me n help me everytime. But that doesnt mean that i'm useless,am i??! I had done sooo many things that u didn't know n u don't know! I tried my best everytime n never say a single thing abt it!! Even I had, I just want to find a topic to talk to u guys! I want a happy family! I done soo many things that make myself disgrace n u just tell me that I 'm not good enough??! Whats u point bro?? I am the victim here! I'm the one who is always helped u ! I'm the one who always support u n make u life filled with laughter!! And now here u  abandoned  and Throw me away?? What is it that u doesn't satisfied with me?? I had done my besttt!!! What u wan from me? and when i ask u that question, u said nothing? NOTHING?? u sure?? no ur not!! U just say I'm sharin, share my ass!! Share what?? Ur logics? Ur irresponssible additude?? What the helL?? u know what I am thinking?? U know?? u don't even know when I was born or what I had done when u r not here in the house!! U just a nerd n a freak who SEEMS like studying like hell n bragging things here n there! U dunno what I am! U dunno what I think! Cause u never will!! Human's mind r complicated! If u can read my mind , r u a pyscho?? or u just not a human?? Stop talking bullshit!! u know nothing! And i mean NOTHING! U dun know me!! U never is my brother! I never think u r one! If u wanna be one, but i don't want it! Talk abt what now? U never been a person I can learned from! Ur face disgusts me! just like u disgusts someone whom u havent talk to for like a few years! No ! maybe to the future! u never had talk to him! U just think he hurt u but he doesnt!! u just think u know everthing n u r right n i am wrong! What the heck was that?? If u wan to talk abt me, talk this to urself! learn it urself! before u have the rights to talk to me like this!! I dun wan it! shish!!!



Let me tell u something..
      A person receiving ur bragging n so called "logic" isn't the worst..
But is that u doesn't belive in me ...
          That u despise me....               That u doesn't understand MY LIFE N MY WAY! 


Think about it when u saw this idiot!! I dun care if u dint saw it anyway...!

~88 Seriusly!! I DAMN Hate MY BRO!!!88

Today ,  not gonna talk abt weather forcast , friends or whatever i said before. I'm just gonna Scold my fucking idiotic stupid brother!!! LIsten ! VEry carefully!!! HE is a weirdo who is older than me and lazier , more idiotic , more unindependent , more irritating stupid brother!!!!!@@ He thinks he knows everything n acts like high n mighty everytime he talks 2 someone.!! He just thinks that he is the only single person who had more knowledge n wisdom than anyone had!! He just thinks that he's better than anyone!!! He's additude r like fucking hard to belive !! HE doesn't respect n ignores ppl when someone did sum little mistakes!! He fucking disagree with someone by showing his idiotic additude!! Exspecially when it comes to elder ppl!! He never ever ever shows respect to them who had more fucking experiance than he had!! Everything n everytime he just shout " momi momi!!!" what the hell was that?? Do i hav to remind u that u r a older brother who r the one who helps???!! NOt depending on OUR mother to do sumthin !!! Such childish n irresponssible additude u have is just fucking ddisgusting!!!!! !!! WHo u thinks u r ???!! dumbass???!?!!! I"m not gonna say " its alright" like our mom will!! JUst fuck offf myy life !! U r just digracing it and disturbing!!! Its like u r the remaining dish that we doesn't wantttt!!!! So just get off!! I dun ever gonna help u again!! IDiot!! GO die somewhere else!! X((((( I dun wanna even see u !! I never think u as my bro for like when i was born!!! U r  NOT MY BROTHER!!! AND U'LL NEVER BE!!

*? Should I SaY BOnjOuR?**

Today , a nice weather , as u say , Sunny day. Not even a slightest drop of rain falls like a broken necklace , one by one undoubtly on the floor in my area here. Quite suits my taste. With my companies , a bright n cheerful sun who shines sparklingly throughout the days I'hav been through. Numbered puffy n pure white colour like a bottles of mashmallows accidentally droped on the sky spreading over the floor with different kinds of shape n figures. Such artistic art that I wished I could just sleep back on the wide green field n look up to the sky playing with clouds until I falls asleep like a baby.  There isn't  a word that can specifically tells the beautiful colours n unlimited nature that always stayed by my side ,  either is morning or night. The wonderful weather makes me feel energetic n also at the same time quiet n peace. Today may be the best day for outdoors. I can go for....sports? Shopping with my friends? Spending randomly family time together? Goin for a ride? or....just stayed at my house? I rather choose stayed. As I says. Nothing stays forever. But , one of my friend says " If  it just a minute of time , then let it be. If it just a minute of happiness. Then I'll be glad." Thats one of my favourite passage treasures deep inside my heart. Just one minute is enough for me to look through every happiness I feel... Just one minute I can do so many things that r countable. Things , will starts and ends in their way. Starts and ends. Starts and ends. Starts and ends.. But it will come back again. like a movie. Again n again. again n again. again n again. until u choose to changed. thats what I mean. Dun let it start again n ends the same. Just changed. Then it'll be different. Different from the start. =)) I'll changed little by little. One by One. So, things can stay forever in my mind



Even is ..for a minute.

?* MY LiFe HorRiBle VeRsiOn ? *

Once I started this.I had made a decision that I had to post something. Its a memory of mine in the past October 2010. It was a horrible memory of mine.I bet i can't forget my fear from that memory where I started to hate myself. I had friends. They r normal and unresistable accompanies.They r funny n caring. I started to became their friends unrealizingly for one year. I fear but at the same time I loved them. What I fear is somethin they won't tell but tells at ur back. I feared U be gone by the time I realized how good u r. I feared that u actually being nice just for urself. In this decades, pouring water on a friend when their birthday comes can be called a normal thing for our teenagers. Because of that, I tried once n I lost my dignity. I wanted to do that ages ago.Because it looked fun. I wanted to see them laugh. but instead they were shocked n dissapointed. I wonder why. I wonder if I'm not the person who can do it? or can't I do it? Is it wrong to have an experiance in everythin? even....it is a child's play? I'm not mad but ...ashamed. Ashamed of what I had done. Ashame of copying some ridiculous action. Ashamed of havin caring friends. I done it anyway. So regret means nothing . I know how they feel. I do. yet, I 'm helpless. Even I knew. They won't tell me directly. Scared me getting hurt? scared that I'm mad? No. I'm scared that u won't tell. Scared that u don't get angry. Thats what I'm afraid. .

Not tellin the truth doesn't make me happy.
       Not tellin the truth doesn't make u satisifed.
Not tellin the truth doesn't make u caring or kind.
      Not tellin the truth just because u can't? or just ScAreD?  =((

*? My life ---------- A movie ..?

My life is like a very very very long movie..but yet it doesn't have a title ..but It won't be havin one..so that I'm free from control n can acts as my way that is different from others..Everythin has a introduction. Of course.mine is also the similar. My life starts with givin birth from my beloved n caring mother although she doesn't like one who shows her emotions honestly but still.I can feel Love from her.Then, kindergarden , primary ,  and now, secondary. Yup. I'm a secondary student and I kinda love it. I won't be talkin abt friend , classmates , teachers or even my family. because they won't last long enough for me. my "long" is "forever". Is hard to tell things that can stayed the same for a long time..exspecially forever. Somewhere.somehow.Maybe it does exist. But poorly I can't be the lucky one who felt its existence. A blog is an essay that can improved my education. Thats why I began to write. I care for my education more than everything.cause I don't have a hobby. I have no talents. I am just depending on my education. It doesn't look bad but u can be satisfied with it if u r not that picky. But improvement is needed.