Under a depression  ,
 far away from happiness ,
but near at the end of hell ,
 I saw a ray light ,
shinning above in the sky ,
so generously , yet so painfully ,
 so cheerfully , but too desperately .

Under a lonely shadow ,
I cast a spell to myself ,
 telling that I had enough ,
and hope no more would come ,
I was told to be truth ,
told to be real ,
but never told to be urself , ur despicable self...
In my heart ,
i found a riddle ,
a quite fasinating riddle ,
but also mysterious ,
I ask myself , why.. why ..
and a lot more why...
why what? Why?
I dunno why...even if u asked me ..a thousand times and in a thousand ways...

Then , finally ... I got an answer , a rather dislikable answer , an answer that I would not admit...

"it was me who doesn't want to quit , quit being my despicable self ..."  ...

My life is a complete failure

Today , as expected , trial exams , how horrible!! Students , well , obey of course, without any further more doubts , we are preparing for last day of war for tomorrow . This is bulan puasa where we get to leave school earlier than we use to . And it is a great pleasure of joy to all of us , STUDENTS , again. Teachers won't really care whats happenning anyway but well...Usually , they just ...teach , teach and more teaching since generally their name is TEACHER .I am really depressed cause my maths exam is a total disaster . I have shoot alot of depend-on-luck answers which I maybe right and I maybe wrong . So thats all up to GOD . The high and mighty Him/Her will please help me to pass my exam with atleast a grade B. If thats happenning , well, well, well, I am gonna die in my own happiness. Surely , I will jump in joy and kiss GOD's legs . But , I think that problem will have only a low percentage of success. I wonder why do I study anyway? since it so hard and I lost all my confidence in this year , how I gonna pass anyway ? Plus!! There is another trial exam which add up 1 + 1 = 2 !! 2 trial exams!! Screw that!!    o( >...<)")o  Curse u teacherssss !!! ( for fun XDD)

whats my plan?^^?

And so..I decided. decided early enough to regret..! I think ..my hesitation shall make me lose my chance or something important to me. But yet sometimes bad things turns out to be good n good turns out to be bad. So, I am not sure how I say this but still..I regret. ON last Friday, I pass up a certain something. A certain something that shall change everything. Some change from benefits to loss and from loss to gain..I wonder if i had made a right choice.?I dunno. Maybe? Because i always wanted to be a certain someone .someone who is different .Something i am Different that when I stand out among crowd then somebody will say:" ah! She is different! She is it! She is something else!' BUt what is the different ? I want to be special. To make ppl realize I can CHANGE! I can do my best for something i deserve! YEt, I felt regret. why? cause my plan will be ruined! Why? because when I desire something or determined to do something, i will never find any excuse including something personal! Even its something important, i also want to continue to do what i had decide. I concentrated on that certain something that i lose direction to those things that are pretty near to me .pretty important. but never mind. since i am like this, i am this..maybe I should quit whinning about it! but u know me right? bossy n really annoying . I wonder this is right or wrong? maybe right but something feels wrong.. i am finding it! the wrong way. I shall discover it n make a proper explanation to myself. Not anyone else but me. I shall trust only me. noone can be trusted but me. why? easy.>>>



THIS IS WHAT A HUMAN'S PERSONALITY IS ...>...<

~* A Little salt Makes The souP DiFfeRenT ?==*~

A little salt make the soup taste different is same as the meaning of a little effort makes ur next step more easier or better, and ur life can be much more greater,why? Ask me. I know. I am young. But I can tell stories. A experiance for a newbie like me. Is lame n uninterested. because u too hav one. But u lazy to share. U too hav ur life but u never care. This is how it goes. Throughout my day. That is.... Today. March 12 , a nice day. a great morning , a cool breeze of wind accidentally touched my cheeks.Like a morning kiss. welcome me to their world. In this great morning, Very cold. somehow felt like yesterday but it wasn't that simple. BEcause the difference is today means present tense whereas yesterday is pass tense.present tense, do sumthin I dont regret. Do sumthin through my heart contents. Thats what a today means. and how it means, its special. How special? I dunno, maybe sumthin different will happen. sumthin happy , sad, angry, emotional...I spent my day today in my school. Teenagers.,school school school. Second home. Cant deny it. Cause its true. The most place u visit accept home. is School. Our hideout =.= shhhh!!!...I had a training. I am tired. But happy. I learnt new things. but not enough. I wanted more. But tired. Can't continue. Maybe I should practice. Practice harder. Practice makes prefect. A guy, my first love. maybe it can't be called " first Love" cause I am not sure. why? My heart pumps lesser n lesser for him. but it also comes in a speed of light, pumps so fast that i cant hardly breath. a second, my heart just stops. when i saw him, my blood stop flowing. my body becomes cold.but yet warm. a little heat inside of me still havent flows out.I am scared. not him. but myself.doing sumthin wrong is a mistake for me in front of a person I like. "like" is it different from "love"? why? and how? maybe my heart will stay with him until a period of time had passed? that time is that what u call love? he's talented in every way. I saw that. but dunno how. maybe i admire his talent. Maybe i respect him for who he is..Should i confirm? or not? maybe...no? for a lady is too absurb? >....< why?

I have so many why. but why cant i get an perfect answer>...<?

Ahahaha~~~Life is quite Hard.

Life is quite hard when u think about it. Yet, it is also an easy task. The most simple task may be the Most difficult n complicated task. When u get to know it well, u will know that Actually life isn't really that bad. Its quite relxin n fun n naturally happy~ This feelin is different from what u usually feel. But, u need to understand that When u think it is hard, is hard, when u think is not, then its not. Dont make way too complicated. Just act natural, naturally u will get what u wan, naturally, u will get what u will. Just an advice to all. Dun try too hard on sumthin, sometimes, let go will be the better choice. Let go, unexpected, u will get what u deserved. Wished something, to humans, to creatures...n make this world filled with happiness...~~^^