whats my plan?^^?

And so..I decided. decided early enough to regret..! I think ..my hesitation shall make me lose my chance or something important to me. But yet sometimes bad things turns out to be good n good turns out to be bad. So, I am not sure how I say this but still..I regret. ON last Friday, I pass up a certain something. A certain something that shall change everything. Some change from benefits to loss and from loss to gain..I wonder if i had made a right choice.?I dunno. Maybe? Because i always wanted to be a certain someone .someone who is different .Something i am Different that when I stand out among crowd then somebody will say:" ah! She is different! She is it! She is something else!' BUt what is the different ? I want to be special. To make ppl realize I can CHANGE! I can do my best for something i deserve! YEt, I felt regret. why? cause my plan will be ruined! Why? because when I desire something or determined to do something, i will never find any excuse including something personal! Even its something important, i also want to continue to do what i had decide. I concentrated on that certain something that i lose direction to those things that are pretty near to me .pretty important. but never mind. since i am like this, i am this..maybe I should quit whinning about it! but u know me right? bossy n really annoying . I wonder this is right or wrong? maybe right but something feels wrong.. i am finding it! the wrong way. I shall discover it n make a proper explanation to myself. Not anyone else but me. I shall trust only me. noone can be trusted but me. why? easy.>>>



THIS IS WHAT A HUMAN'S PERSONALITY IS ...>...<

~* A Little salt Makes The souP DiFfeRenT ?==*~

A little salt make the soup taste different is same as the meaning of a little effort makes ur next step more easier or better, and ur life can be much more greater,why? Ask me. I know. I am young. But I can tell stories. A experiance for a newbie like me. Is lame n uninterested. because u too hav one. But u lazy to share. U too hav ur life but u never care. This is how it goes. Throughout my day. That is.... Today. March 12 , a nice day. a great morning , a cool breeze of wind accidentally touched my cheeks.Like a morning kiss. welcome me to their world. In this great morning, Very cold. somehow felt like yesterday but it wasn't that simple. BEcause the difference is today means present tense whereas yesterday is pass tense.present tense, do sumthin I dont regret. Do sumthin through my heart contents. Thats what a today means. and how it means, its special. How special? I dunno, maybe sumthin different will happen. sumthin happy , sad, angry, emotional...I spent my day today in my school. Teenagers.,school school school. Second home. Cant deny it. Cause its true. The most place u visit accept home. is School. Our hideout =.= shhhh!!!...I had a training. I am tired. But happy. I learnt new things. but not enough. I wanted more. But tired. Can't continue. Maybe I should practice. Practice harder. Practice makes prefect. A guy, my first love. maybe it can't be called " first Love" cause I am not sure. why? My heart pumps lesser n lesser for him. but it also comes in a speed of light, pumps so fast that i cant hardly breath. a second, my heart just stops. when i saw him, my blood stop flowing. my body becomes cold.but yet warm. a little heat inside of me still havent flows out.I am scared. not him. but myself.doing sumthin wrong is a mistake for me in front of a person I like. "like" is it different from "love"? why? and how? maybe my heart will stay with him until a period of time had passed? that time is that what u call love? he's talented in every way. I saw that. but dunno how. maybe i admire his talent. Maybe i respect him for who he is..Should i confirm? or not? maybe...no? for a lady is too absurb? >....< why?

I have so many why. but why cant i get an perfect answer>...<?

Ahahaha~~~Life is quite Hard.

Life is quite hard when u think about it. Yet, it is also an easy task. The most simple task may be the Most difficult n complicated task. When u get to know it well, u will know that Actually life isn't really that bad. Its quite relxin n fun n naturally happy~ This feelin is different from what u usually feel. But, u need to understand that When u think it is hard, is hard, when u think is not, then its not. Dont make way too complicated. Just act natural, naturally u will get what u wan, naturally, u will get what u will. Just an advice to all. Dun try too hard on sumthin, sometimes, let go will be the better choice. Let go, unexpected, u will get what u deserved. Wished something, to humans, to creatures...n make this world filled with happiness...~~^^

~* Today! Picnic! *~ WOOHOO

Today was a wonderful day to go for outdoors! Its like quite comfortable because of the weather! The sun shines brightly n beautifully but yet the weather is neither hot or cold. its warm with a bit of sunlight spreading over the Earth n cold like ice-land harmonize with the warmth of the sunlight. Its a miracle for the sun to be coming out today because its been rainning heavily ever since the school holidays started.We Went to fetch our friends at around 3p.m. We chat n eat those food that my Aunt kindly home-made herself. Its more delicious than the restaurants outside ! So good that I almost finish all of it.But, cannot lah! Need to left some for them to enjoy too! Sharing is important! I hope they r happy while eating it. I also wish that they love it too. After finish eating, we chat for more than 2 hours. All about our life n some more privacy stuff. Not really private just like daily stuff. Examples like, Studies, Relationship, Life, Works, Chit-chating n etc... I think they r also happy? Because its been long since we can sit down like this n enjoy our times together. WITH NO INTERUPTIONS. that Is the most important part. everytime i talk to someone else. my friends will definately chopped in n say other topics. But they r hilarious n cheerful. I kinda love it. but still..., No interuptions plsss! I really like to see harry potter recently. its nice n i began to want to see it more n more, repeat n repeat the same movies. I just love those advantures n magics! One of my friend recommend me to read the books of harry potter, narnia n Lord of the rings. She said u can improved ur languages powerfully n accurately. Just By reading it!. I wan to borrow after i hear her advise.

I wonder Buy? or borrow? the books? It must be expensive!

~8 HAppy? Or sad? MY bRo? GONE ....*~

When my bro will dissapeared. I wonder that will I be sad or happy? or maybe I felt nothing? empty? My bro. who grows up with me for such many years,gone. I think i dunno how to react. HE smiles like a prince. FAithful as a friend. Loyal to teachers. kind to parents but yet selfish. LOves towards me, his sister. maybe I will doubt that! I will doubt that he's the same as usual. I think he changed. to different person. on the different world with me. on the different conversation. n different communication. I think I will be happy n relax. if he were to go bac. I think I will be feeling good. that he will go bac forever.Here, is not the place for him. no for him. not for his additude. I dun like him. when he comes bac n lazy around. I dun like him. When he comes bac n giv me lectures. HE doesnt have the right to say me. I am who I am. that can't ever changed. IF I changed. that won't be me anymore. there won't be GEselle. There won't be happiness n laughters. Why don't u know that? why u so care- Less? Y u try to tell me what I thinks n what I know? My thoughts is sumthin u cant tell. I will changed. Cause I am a HUMAN . Humans is complicated. U dun know. U will never know. U will never guess right. I wont tell u . How I feel. Cause I wont. U had no rights to know. BEcause u dun know me. U never will. U dun know even the slightest part of me. ME, who is suffering in the darkness. When I need u, u play with my seriousness. When I need u, U can do nothing. Nothing . not help. not encouragement. But I forgiv. cause u r my bro. u r the part of my life. U had a deep close brother-sister relationship with me. I dun wan to lose that. The string thats been helping us to be together. But u cut it. Cut it mercilessly. Cut it without  second thought. I can accept that. That u, my brother made me, the sister cried so much , so hurt , so pain! MY eyes swallowed. My eyes blank! because of u. who cut our special string. U care nothing. Not even me. the sister. I am hurt. just as u say. I dunno when. My scar will heal or cure. I dunno when I have the courage to face u again. Even u can't faced me. Like u always do. Even u can never think of how others feel. So desperately. I am so desperately. wan to get away from. YOU, MY brother... +((


FOREVER....away....

~* SChool? * What EvEr =P ~

Two weeks till the school holidays over n start a new life, meet new friends n do new homeworks. What I'm worry is port folio n those irritating projects! Its like hell to finish them nicely n get great marks. Although i know its good to train ur knowledge once in a while but still government should really cancel those folios.I can't do it good nor i can take my time relaxing. Its the pressure thats been bothering me. What pressure? u wan to know? I'll tell u. head pressure, stress= pressure, body pressure, brain pressure, thoughts pressure, high blood pressure ( the logical one ) n more pressure that u can't even imagine it. I wonder when will I graduate? Can i graduate proudly n happily? well..that will be unpredictable. I'll live my life to the fullest while I'm alive. Ohya. Speaking of which. My bro also goin bac to his quaters n prepared for the next terms. but not this week. Maybe January? He can't be much help either in the house, better he goes bac anyway. Today, my mom said " talk bac to ur bro, he's lonely n two more weeks , he's goin bac anyway." I was like " HUH??! Lonely? U sure? even the world dun talk to him, he'll never be lonely." I do not hate him, my brother. In fact, I love him. But when he "share" sumthin at tht time. I had to say that my thinking of him ia totally wrong! I won't talk with him for a while from now on. I think its already been weeks. I dun wanna talk to him. I scared. Scared that he will do sumthin hurtful again. Sumthin that hurts my feeling toward my lovely brother again. So, i choose to not talk. Its better this way. I dun wanna hate him. I do not wan to made myself hate him. had revengeful thoughts over him. So , I pretend i do not care. Even if he hates me. I still dun wan to talk to made myself not to hate him. because i know. I know one day, he will "share" again. Scold me again. Since he doesnt mind even i Doesnt talk to him. then, I think its not necessary to go along with him again. One day goes n another day passed. Maybe our relationship will be different. Different not in goin deep but being more shallow n finally we became strangers that being polite. That we will be not that close to each other anymore. N he will changed. I will changed. One day when we talk bac again. It will be strange. BEcause its same as my father. same as my dad. who doesnt talk to him for like passed few years. Such idiotic n selfish brother. Such disappointment. I dun want to know. =((

~* MY DreaM =)) 8~

Everyone has their own dream..so I must also have one! My dream.nothing special.Dream, to me, is just a mere word exists in a dictionary. Dream, to me, maybe it sounds useless. I haven't found out my dream yet although now i am quite " old ". I take " dream" as a plan for the next day, next month or even next year. Like a specific target that I will be achieving..Like a suitable plan I should do it in order to make my life more meaningful. Since I'm not that smart, not much of a person who do sports like anyone else will. Not much of a person who is brave enough or courageble. But, I can try to be one normal n polite person. Thats the rules of the future relationship in the country or maybe so called " Earth" . I loved Science. Exspecially, Stars n planets. I want to know more. About sun. y does it called sun? Not sumthin else? y is it the only one who can have the uncredible heat flowing out ? Why do Earth is so lucky to have the exact distance from the sun to keep us, living things alive? Do u think is a concidence? nope. I think not. I think it is much more than that. Because it is unpredictable. It is necessary. I loved to know abt plants n other organisms too. I want to know that how they grow such way? n why did they only need sunlight, water n carbon dioxide to survive? why they gave out carbon dioxide at night n morning oxygen gas. I want to know all abt it. I want to know our body cells, tissues, organs n more more more. I think we r the mysterious creatures that can survive in this planet called " Earth ". I think our systems in our body is so efision that I can't belive it would be. I wonder y we can improved things by using brain. I also loved Sejarah. Everyone saw this " sejarah" word will be like. What the hell??! What is sejarah so good abt it??! n more questions will be asked. But I think that Sejarah teaches us abt "gratitude" , abt  sumthin like don't be the same failure as they r again. N learned ur lessons n much more like the caves in Perak, Kelantan, Sarawak n Sabah n more. And abt the besi thingy. the time n the things they used to survive. I think the human from the past time in sejarah r more pure n kind-hearted as we r now. We have sumthin they doesnt had so they will appreciate what they had. We doesn't felt enough because there r more n more things that r so scientific. So, abt my dream next year, I will become a Librarian. I want to experiance it. I want to try to be a different person as I am now. I wanted to improved myself n my knowledge. Knowing many diffrent kinds of things can helped that. I belive. =))

Hope ...that my Dream shall came true next new year! 20!!  here I come!!